If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
did i just pee glitter
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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