I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
you had me at cake vodka
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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