Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
