Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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