her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I could fuck to npr.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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