I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
