My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
