we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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