and you said cock pushups were impossible
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
you are never too drunk for berry picking
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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