I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
