Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
