I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
