Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
sarcasm needs its own font
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
