i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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