wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
