i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You should frame my arrest warrant.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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