Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
