I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
