You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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