Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Shitshow foam night was such a success
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
