You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
