My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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