trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Alive.
So much puke
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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