Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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