She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
