Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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