Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I hope mine doesn't look like that
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
