I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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