We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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