Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
We don't watch enough power rangers
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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