i always forget guys have bellybuttons
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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