Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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