i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
