That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
