somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize