dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Randomize
