all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
