speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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