why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
