when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
