You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize