There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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