fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
My dad is sitting where you rode me
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
