I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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