i think my tv is drunk
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
