I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
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