she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
