trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
