i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
