the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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