I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize