Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
