there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
