I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
