Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
