Did you just see the Batmobile???
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
