5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
