just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
