Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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