i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My penis needs a shock collar
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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