Need sex. Gaining weight.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
