with your own penis?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
