My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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