You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
