I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
people are starting to question the shark bite story
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
