Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
We need to rekindle our bromance
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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