I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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