When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
