He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize