That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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