you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize