Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
