Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
