Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
3 2 1 whiskey
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
