Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
