Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Screwed.edu
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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