Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I see more hoeing in ur future
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
