I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
