ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
