I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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