yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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