I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
