Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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