I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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