Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
