It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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