Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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