my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
