i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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