you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
