went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Lo siento on account of my penis...
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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