whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
