I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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