so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
