I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
