Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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