just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
