There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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