too bad you live with your parents still
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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