just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
