Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Randomize
