listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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