My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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