D3 body, D1 cock
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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